just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
