My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
