the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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