Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
