Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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