I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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