They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
