Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
