dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
