Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
