it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
