at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
