Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He better not be in your backpack
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
