my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
