Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
