Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
