You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize