i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
