omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
