So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
