White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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