I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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