Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
