A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
