Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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