i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
