And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
