mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
