I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
