I'm lost and stupid without you.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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