I got chris browned last night
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
