I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
