I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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