I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
