I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
