...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
