God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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