you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Boobs are out for the taking
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If I die, sorry about rent.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
