i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize