We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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