he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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