no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
