I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
