you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
