who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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