i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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