I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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