Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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