What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
