winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
