i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
