there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize