just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
