If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
