I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
