don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
