he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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