i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
