Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
