I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
