Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
