woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
