I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
