even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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