Tell her she can't have a vagina
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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