you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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