And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
