Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
How does one acquire holy water?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
