we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
