He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
