do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
