Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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